It's junk. It's a scam.
And we're taking it to an exchange.
They say crypto is garbage. We are not arguing. We are simply building this particular garbage properly.
You'll mine billions of tokens
And then you'll swap them for one kebab. That isn't self-deprecation. That's our honest forecast.
So what do you actually do
There is no idea — but the mechanics are real, every one of them. Below is exactly what the game does right now.
It itches on its own
The aubergine itches on its own schedule, a few times an hour. Catch it and you scratch and mine. Miss it and it itched without you.
Duels against real people
Sixty seconds, two thumbs, one winner. Not a bot — a friend who is in Telegram right now. Winning pays 250 ZALU.
A friend pays twice
5,000 ZALU the moment they arrive. Then a quarter of everything they ever mine — daily, forever, and not out of their pocket.
The rocket
Every 45 minutes a rocket flies past. You get 45 seconds to catch it, and 80 ZALU if you do.
You can scratch for a friend
They're away and it still itches. Scratch for them and both of you get paid in full. It is the only place in the game where the server pays twice.
Everything, laid bare
Every project hides something. We decided to hide nothing, and it turns out that's more interesting anyway.
There is no idea
No utility, no ecosystem, no "solving a real problem". There is an aubergine. It itches. You scratch it.
But built seriously
The economy lives on the server, not in your browser. The supply is counted to the coin. Every payout says why. Absurd, yes — but it works.
And we really are going to an exchange
Not "planned for Q4". Going. To prove one thing: getting listed does not require an idea at all.
Roadmap
Every project has one. Usually it reads "Q3: partnerships, Q4: ecosystem". Ours is shorter.
Came up with junkdone
Thought long and hard. Came up with an aubergine. Could have been worse — could have been an idea.
Scratchingnow
That's the entire phase. Tap, fight, invite friends. You are here.
The exchange
The most absurd line on this list, and the only one everybody else writes with a straight face.
PUMP. Then DUMP.
This one is missing from every roadmap and present in all of them. We just wrote it down.
Kebab
One. Between all of us. Split fairly, like everything else here.
And the honest part, in small print — except not small
There is nothing to buy right now. Even if you badly wanted to hand us money, there is nowhere to do it. The token does not exist yet, there is no wallet to connect, and nobody is asking you for anything. ZALU today is points in a game, and that is exactly what they are worth.
Questions you'd have asked anyway
Is this a scam?
We put it in the headline. A scam is a lie. We've hidden nothing and we're asking you for nothing. What that makes this is up to you.
Seriously, an exchange?
Seriously. That's the whole point: getting there doesn't require an idea. We're going to demonstrate that with ourselves.
So will I get rich?
No. You'll mine billions of tokens and swap them for a kebab. We put that in large type above precisely so there's no confusion later.
And the name?
Yes. We know. That's the point.